I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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