I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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