I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
