you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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