I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
