Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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