Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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