Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
