Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
