listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
