What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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