im holly from the hills drunk
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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