so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
