Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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