I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
