i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize