So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize