Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
