Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
