That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
