Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
