.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
