Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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