Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
