I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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