yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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