the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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