thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize