omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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