i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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