I puked a lego.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Every concussion has its silver lining
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize