...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
