I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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