I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
