I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
