Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
