The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
