i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
