what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
