you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
