I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
