My liver just broke up with me...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
