Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
