When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
