I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
