I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
