soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
