when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
