We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
