Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
