she woke up with a sticky ear
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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