i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
