Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
