im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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