I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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