I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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