In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
