fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
