About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I supernannyed him into submission
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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