It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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