I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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