why didn't you poke me back
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
