Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
