I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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