By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
