This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you are never too drunk for berry picking
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
