The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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