The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My dick has a subreddit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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