Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize