Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
