Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
