But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
