it hurts more in the daytime
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
