I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
