yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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