I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
