The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
