I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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