I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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