forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
