just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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