just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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