these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
