My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
