And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
