i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
