you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
