I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
