you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
