my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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