I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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