the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
