I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize