I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize