When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was CRYING into my vagina
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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