guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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