smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The adults are the big ones right?
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