We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
