She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
