i think my mom watched the whole time
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
