I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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