I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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