I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
