actually, I'm a sock model
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
