i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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