brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
