I think I died a long time ago.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
