she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
3 2 1 whiskey
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When are your genitals available?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
