I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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